I have been debating what to do with this blog for some time now. I have seemingly lost the desire to keep it current, and consequently it has lost much of its relevance. Rather than making great and terrible promises to post daily, (even monthly might be a stretch at this point) I am wondering if it might not be better to just let it die.
It’s tough to write without a focus, and more and more often lately I feel like I’m running hard up against that big, brick, fourteen-foot-tall “I don’t have a focus” wall. Family takes up whatever time work doesn’t, to the point that not only have I stopped pursuing my other interests, but rather alarmingly I find that it has now been so long since I was involved with them that I find that I don’t miss them nearly as much. It kind of feels hollow, in a way.
Maybe it’s just the timing of it all. New job, lots of travel, ugly strike and subsequent month-long sejour in Regina, (of all places) and the suffocating advances of a certain day in October that will confirm what I already know to be true: I am getting older. Honestly, I’m OK with that, but it sometimes hits me in an unpleasant “you can never go home again” way that somehow makes me feel really crappy. By and large I’ve done pretty well with my life so far; hottest wife in the universe, great kids, good job that I actually enjoy, and fantastic friends. It’s just that sometimes you get to feeling that there could be something else out there that is just passing you by- something that maybe everyone else sees and whispers about behind your back, wondering how on earth you can be so oblivious. What is it? If I had any idea, I wouldn’t be writing this, would I?
Maybe this blog needs something to pull it into focus. More humour, more gravity, more humanity; more direction. If I had any idea how to inject any of those things into these writings, I would have done it months ago instead of waiting so long between updates that I forgot the password to my own Flickr account.
The long and short of it is that writing can’t really be forced if it is going to end up being anything worth reading, and lately I just simply haven’t had anything to say. Even this post, when it all boils down, is really just a poorly-worded diatribe about having nothing to post. Its one redeeming quality is that if you’re still with me at this point, I have managed to keep your attention long enough to waste between two and three minutes of your day before actually telling you that you’re a sucker for wasting your time reading this. (I even spelled out the numbers 2 and 3 in that last sentence so it would take longer for you to read them) Maybe next time you’ll think twice about checking back, eh?
